Monday, November 22, 2010

Fake Hair Fixes a Multitude of Sins

Women talk about the changes in their bodies after they have their first baby - some have bigger feet, some have jelly belly, big veins, hemorrhoids you name it. It all happens and we make peace with it because we have to. That's fine and all unless....
it's your hair.

My perspective is that changes in your hair are different because of what you can do with it that you can't do with more permanent body parts. Look at what women put their poor hair through and can you even believe that we have any left?!
My hair makes me just...UGH! In the morning, I feel like a teenager gawky and insecure. The curls that I've tamed since middle school are gone so now what?


I shuffled into Sally's Beauty Supply. Sally's and I have an ancient, tumultuous relationship. Sally's sold the dye that gave me fuchsia pink hair at my college graduation. Sally's also sold the cuticle stripping concoction that finally got it out. Nail stuff, cholesterol conditioners and some hair thingy with placenta, exactly who's I'd like to know, in it welcome me with the stench of a salon. Breathe in....ahhhhhh.

I was looking for something to do with my disrespectful mane. I looked at curlers, straighteners. No, no, no these won't do as I rarely "do" my hair. That's why I loved my curls! I kept walking until and a big blond Paris Hilton was looking back at me. I wasn't hypnotized by the celeb face but by the sales woman reaching for the package with a plastic Hilton pseudo-sexy glare on it. She said I'd look good in it - so silky for synthetic hair. OMG Paris Hilton is hocking fake hair!

Yes, I put it on my head. Yes, I looked ridiculous. Did I leave the store wishing I could shave my head? Yes. For one thing, I'm not buying anything with Hilton's face on it with a slogan on it like "That's hot". No I wasn't hot and I knew it but thanks. And shame on that seemingly helpful saleswoman for spreading a fake sense of beauty salvation! Can't blame a girl for trying.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Letter to Hank #12 - A Mess Inside and Out

You are a mess. And you make some incredible messes too! Good for you honey because I wanted a boy so that I was socially off the hook when it came to keeping you clean. Boys get dirty just like they're inherent nature intends for them to and I love it!

Hank, you are becoming very creative; both in how you figure out the world and how you react to it. The verbal protests are very predictable and music to my ears although you don't say a lot of real words yet. I hear a lot of Gaggle Aggle Aggle and Dah Dah Dah. Dah is dog and you are obsessed with them. Seeing them, touching them or just pointing them out. Every animal is a DAH! We read books about them, play with the one next door and overall just think they are the bomb!

You are figuring out the world one time out at a time. Holy cow, I didn't think that I'd be doing time outs so soon, but child 'o mine, you need them. I quickly found out that corporal punishment means nothing to you. You have a very high pain tolerance and will take the hit if it means ultimately getting to do what you wanted. I've got your number. Not that I have inflicted pain on you by any means; I did try to just flick your lip when you bit and say no so that you knew exactly what action I was disapproving- you didn't care. In fact, you hung on like a dog and bit harder! Momma finally figured out that you are a social boy and being taken out of the action for even 1 minute was just HORRIBLE! Just horrible! So thus began the time out phase of our relationship. You'll love me for it someday.

Everything is a phone. You wear my shoes around the house. You swiffer the floor. You press every single button looking for a reaction. And mine too.

Your laugh makes my day! A sense of humor is not lost on you - what you find funny usually makes kids cringe. Like getting sprayed with the garden hose. You just cracked up! Going down a slide that was clearly too big for you, smacking the back of your head on the way down and belly laughing at the end. I have the best pictures of the anticipatory sit at the top, the "oh crap" look in the middle and the "I conquered" grin in the landing mulch. Hank, I laugh every day at you, for you and with you. This is the fun side.

Stairs are still a bane to your walking experience. We've taught you to go down on your belly and even at smallest step requires that your turn around and scootch till your little foot can feel pavement - when you do this for cracks in the pavement I can't help but giggle. Even today you bent down to get on your belly a good 12 inches before the step even started! God help the knees of your pants, son.

You motto is now "I'm busy." Independence. Clearly you can't be bothered with a stinky butt and the 30 seconds I take to clean it.

Hank you really are the cutest thing as you struggle to be big. 18 months going on 30.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Updates and stuff

WOW. I do not even want to go into details of hoe hectic things have gotten around here. The simplest of requests threatens on burying me alive. Hiding the temsion is getting harder as each day has a new set of stuff to deal with in some manner, namely a positive one. Must-stay-positive. Must-stay -positive. Negativity is energy zapping but I am starting to rattlesnake strick back at those whose mission it is to give grief. Your problems are not mine and I refuse to be a doormat. Whan I explicitly ask for room, give it to me.

Are you liking all these typos?? i thought it looked like a Mad Lib.

Through it all keeping a sense fo humor, howver demented, is required for sanity! And who better to make me laugh than Hankey McCrankey. He's got some teeth coming in so the crankiness is amplified right now....pick me up! Put me down! I want a cracker! Ewwww, crackers! This toy sucks! Let's eat paint! I mean, really, nothing is making him happy and it's cracking me up.

I can't help but laugh at how ridiculously cute he is when he's having a passionate fit. I laugh on the inside...sometimes. Because sometimes I just cant' help it and I try to cover my face when I get the "So whats wrong with YOU" look.

He's toddling around with his diapered hiney in jeans that make him look like a tiny 40 year old. He could be screaming his lungs out and i'm laughing becuase I know that he's got a belly underneath that shirt that is perfect for fake fart noises.

Halloween was fun. Hank was a skelton - a set of PJs with glow in the dark bones on them. I think he'll wear these till next summer as far as I'm concerned. Love 'em!

Now if I can just keep him form terrorizing other kids on the playground we'll be ok. He bites and doesn't care who you are.

I can tolerate him so mich more than high maintenance adults. Hank can be unhappy for hours and I can still be sane - tired but sane. G Dub can be unhappy for hours and I tell him to go for a drive somewhere and get outta my hair.

To top all this off, there are days that I wished we had just moved instead od adding on. A move is over within maybe like a month or so. An addition is 6 months of playing referree between G Dub and contractor and keeping expectations in balance.
I'm over it but I can't be since it isnt DONE YET! Sigh. I've never really had a choice about little things anywhere I've ever livedso picking out EVERYTHING in a house is ovewhelming and now I don't care what's in it. But it will be great in the end. But it will be great in the end, But ir will be great in the end.

I just got major chill bumps listening to Feeling Good by Nina Simone. Music is one of my escapes and the one I enjoy the most.
My Morning Jacket and Broken Bells are others that I can listen to and just let my mind wander. Lately my wanderings have been stuff like the so called death of conservatism. You know, light thinking topics.

SO there is an update! Good night