Friday, April 16, 2010

Opinion Donors Beware

"Opinions are like a-holes, everyone has one." Well, that's a nice, crude way to begin a blog. Taken literally, it's true. Taken thoughtfully, it's apathetic and an emotionally self righteous cop-out. Said plainly "I don't have to listen to you".

Listening to opinions is a sticky gray area that I prefer to not really talk about but there are times that my brain just gets so full of other peoples' seemingly helpful comments that I have the image of the top of my head blowing off. Kapow!

We receive what we give out. If you dish out more than you can receive then you have a problem. If I'm suppressing confrontation of an issue because I know I will encounter defensiveness and do not want to deal with it then I have a problem. No, we both have a problem. Egos.

Ah, the good 'ol ego.

I don't guess I know how to say this other than just blurting it out - What makes an opinion donor entitled to feel like I should respect their thoughts and do as they say? Speaking without persuasive undertones is possible - it's called a discussion. And a discussion between two humble, non-judgemental people is helpful,engaging and often productive. Spitting out opinions with blatant intent to sway due to insecurities is not. If you need to be heard and respected, expecting me to do as you say or do will not get you there. I don't care who you are. Give me reason to respect you and I will, I promise. And I will acknowledge it.

Personally, I do not say the statement with the a-hole reference. But for I do internalize opinions that I hear and, depending on the person, take them into consideration even if my plans differ. We all deserve to be listened to and taken seriously. And oftentimes, humans blow each other off. Ok, fine. But humility is a large factor. I still have to work on this at times, I'm by far no expert on it! Yes, are all entitled to have opinions but is anyone entitled to listen? Not really. If you use the above statement, you better know that.

And I don't mean to be self degrading. My opinions are worth something somewhere in the cosmos I guess. But I can't attach my self worth or self respect to whether I'm being listened to by my peers. That's putting these heavy issues in other people's hands - and do you trust other people to providing you with self worth? Lord, I hope not. Talk about potential for constant disappointment. They cannot do for you what you and God can do for you.

And that's just my opinion....for whatever it's worth.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Letter to Hank #9 - Growing Pains

My My, you've grown! You are 11 months old and are a little boy now. Not a snuggly bundle of baby mush but a boy getting ready to walk and hit more milestones every week!

We can see your emotions and I saw a full on pout the other day. That bottom lip pooched out and later on I'll have to remember that I wanted to just grab it and kiss it. Later on I might wish you didn't have a mouth; all traces of cuteness gone replaced with angst and raw willpower. I assume all this about teenagers only because that was me. You aren't me and how thankful I am for that!

I still don't think it's set in that I'm your Momma. I'm a Mom?!? What?? I have to teach you playground ethics, consequences, fun and moderation?? Biting is your favorite pastime right now - like you can't resist when you know that Mommy's underarm is just so soft and tender. Saying no somewhat calmly when you have a gopher attached to your pit isn't easy. You may be coming in for a kiss but you're sneaky and apt to bite and run. Hopefully, we can curb this before you start leaving teeth semicircles on stuff. Your crib has taken a beating already. And never mind my anxiety that I have lead paint in my house - oh lord.

And you take off your diaper at times when it negatively impacts your environment. When I've left you for a moment to play in your crib is not the time. I know YOU thought it was funny! Beware, I have pictures of you in there with a piddle puddle and I know how to use them.

Your hair is growing to long to stand up and that makes me sad. I've had so much pleasure messing your hair up out of the Tom Brokaw doo that it naturally falls into...sigh, just like your Daddy. Now I use a little product and get a really good fauxhawk but out in public you just have sweet baby hair. I still joke that I kiss your head so much I'll give you a receding hairline. And I KNOW you have flash spots in your eyes from the constant pictures, sorry if you get cataracts later cuz of us!

We are coming to the end of nursing and that is bittersweet. I'm gonna miss you. It's been hard at times but I'll never ever regret the mastitis, lugging that pump around, or the care that I took to keep milk ready for you always despite lack of support. I wasn't willing to just quit when it got tough. It was so worth it. We may not have prevented colds like the books say but we're a Momma and Baby team. Here I go for my first real letting go event. I'll grieve a little but we're ready.

Dressing you is an adventure. Period.

Your motto is: Outta my way!

Hank, you never have gone though separation anxiety. For me that's wonderful! I don't worry about you (only in this situation!) You don't fuss when I leave at daycare or in the church nursery - which is really cool cuz other ones do so I feel a little proud of us heehee.

I call you Pootie a lot.

You put yourself to sleep at night! Even if you still don't sleep through the night but you'll get there one day. You have to or I'll just slip you a roofie. I kid, I kid....

I carry you on my back like a little bug and you don't mind. I think the only things you really do mind are green veggies and getting a diaper change. i guess you think flopping around like a fish is gonna make me not do it but your dead wrong. You stink, boy.

I'm planning your 1st Birthday party this weekend. I know I have 4 weeks left but this is a big deal. You made it. I made it. Your Daddy made it. And that's something to celebrate!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Not Even a Good Title

I suppose I should explain my hiatus - or my hi-anus as my Mom would say. Bless her heart, she has her own language that continues to make me giggle under my breath so as to not CONSTANTLY correct her. Once you get it though it's entertaining and understandable. Not much else in the world has both of those qualities.

By the end of January I began to go into a pit. I've described it before. January through March is tough - we are in the thick of winter and this year was particularly bad. It was colder than a brass monkey and for WAY too long.

**Sidenote: I'm in a coffee shop enjoying an hour without my boyz and, holy cow, a guy just showed up in an electric blue satin pant suit. The glare is killing my corneas so excuse me while I let this pass....good's hard to not point but I have no one to point it out to ( yeah!) . Dude, get out of the sun!! Do you think you're Usher?? Ack!**

ok, where was I....oh yeah, my hiatus. I love Spring and not just for the allergies but for the emergence of everything wonderful. In the end of winter life feels much too heavy and I'm extraordinarily unmotivated but warm weather brings with it light and lightness of heart. I look around and realize what I have let slide but the work to correct this is so refreshing and beautiful. Marriage included.

That's where I am now. It doesn't really matter where I've been but that I made it here at this moment to enjoy my family again. G Dub and I have been squaballing (i don't know how to spell that) a lot until we have noticed that to be understood and taken seriously you have to use words that have more than 4 letters. And say a lot of them. Name calling isn't going to motivate anyone to change. I'd like for someone to show me an example of reverse psychology actually working... It doesn't. Ever.

** OMG, this coffee gave me the shakes so bad i may just leave all the typos in here just to make it interesting**

But other than family infighting I haven't really been inspired by much lately. Other than watching Hank turn into a little boy, which is the most marvelous transformation, I don't sit and ponder stuff. Well, I do but it's in soundbytes. I wonder about it off it goes into oblivion before i get a chance to write it down. Dang thats a drag cuz I've come up with some pretty ridiculous crap lately :D!

**Wow, there a lot of yuppies around here.**

Most importantly the state of transition has kept me in awe of the world. What is more certain than death and taxes? Change.
Embracing it can prove to be difficult but who emerges ( there's that word again) is someone more enlightened, more aware, or more scared, or ________ ( insert an emotion). I see changes in me and watch change in the ones I love and how they respond to it. These responses make an impression.

Many changes I am so glad to see, others not so much. But as a whole concept I LOVE it! I've said this many times. Yada yada yada.
I'm off now to see more. Teach kids and just try to tell me that isn't a profound amount of transition!

**Song on iTunes = Jesus Built my HotRod by Ministry LOOOVE IT!**

Maybe next time I won't blather on so much....but isn't that why you read this??? ;D