Monday, July 27, 2009

Thom Revisited

From across Broadway I saw the wheelchair and immediately knew it was him. It was Thom whom I'd met last June on the walking bridge. A homeless man with a brain stem injury from the Korean war. I left my family in Jack's BBQ to double back and see him again. He was guzzeling beer from a cup and looked much rougher than the last time I saw him but his crystal blue eyes were still beautiful. He had lost more teeth and his speech unintelligible ( probably more from being drunk than anything) but I told him I knew him. I'm positive he doesn't remember but I reminded him that I took his picture and that it was my all time favorite. Just like last time, he hugged me and took my hand. Again, he was very dirty. I told him how beautiful he was to me and that I thought of him often. Can positive words help even if you hear them only once a year? Like I said, he was drunk and won't remember the last 3 hours for all I know but I had to say it and I'm glad I did. My heart just kind of gushes when I see him and I don't know why.

And he is someone's child. Thom was once a mother's shining star. He once had parents that I hope cared for him and tucked in a cozy bed at night. Those sweet memories may be haunting him, who knows?

Maybe he is another kind of angel in my midst. I don't get to keep this one but he is there as a reminder that the world is cruel and to have compassion, not pity, for all. His wings are gray, frayed and hidden under his tattered shirt. I have this compelling want to try to fix him. Bring him home, clean him up, feed him, get him help. But is he supposed to be fixed? What is his destiny? I have no idea. I just hate that he suffers.
I took Thom's picture again and his eyes will be the focus; I can see the image before I've even had it developed.

Hank Letter #4

I know angels exist. I have one in my house. He is sleeping in his green dragon jammies with his wings folded so I can't see them. God gave him to us. Can I ever top a gift so divine? We tucked him in all cozy and peaceful to get ready for his next day of teaching; teaching us how to strive for a higher standard of being. We cherish our angel since we will never receive another like it. He is one of a kind just for us. With his wings he will one day fly away but until then just let me look at him. I'll look as long as it takes to keep his image with me forever.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Plop Plop Whizz Whizz

Oh what a relief it is...
You know those stone cherubs in big French fountains that pee? That's my kid.
We are having to treat his little winky with hydrogen peroxide since he had surgery and, boy, anytime that coldness hits's like a garden hose gone out of control! He's gotten all of us especially my mom and that just cracks me UP. I turn my back to get yet another outfit for Hank and Mom starts jumping back hollering and grasping for diapers or just anything to block the stream with a trajectory you can calculate a tangent on.

Bad thing is he's getting bigger and so is the fountain. It makes a puddle now and I've often thought of waterproof cribs or piddle pads in his room. Can you see me holding the pad trying to guess where the pee will land? Like looking for a fly ball in the sun. I know there is the PeePee TeePees and the genius that makes me wonder why that hasn't been around since the dawn of diapers - must invest in those. I think I'll get the ones with skulls and geetars since that will be fun to look at when I'm up at 3am and have already been puked on..but at that point why stop at puke? Last night I had been puked and peed on TWICE! He's sneaky like that and just when you think he's done...kapow!
I'm gonna get really out of my element when he starts to think it's funny; and if he's my kid he'll do it on purpose even if he IS too young to talk and just laugh and laugh.

His great grandma and great aunt are in town now and they are convinced he is already a genius. Hank enteratined them and opened his mouth like he has something to say - kind of like a gasp. It's funny to see them making up what they think he's trying to say. We're probably way off thinking that he's all lovey and sweet... why do you think Stuey exists? Cuz that's what they are really thinking in there! hahaha No way, he really is so sweet we call him "sugar lumps". I'll be sure to wave goodbye to "sugar lumps" when he's 14 and at school...heehee I can't WAIT!

It's been a long day for the boy that never sleeps. He's finally crashed in shear exhaustion and, frankly, so am I. He is so beautiful but I think he looks best when his eyes are closed.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

All in a daze wok

This day is literally in the Dear Diary ( even though I keep spelling dairy) category. The morning started out with a very stressed new mom and a screaming, over tired 2 month old. My brain waves are so fragmented that I lose concept of time so I had no idea I had been up for 2 hours beginning at 4am trying to soothe an upset child until I was about to crack. And by that I mean we were both in tears – so much so that they were running down my chest. I just let them fall. Then I laid him in his bed and left to go lay in mine – we both just cried it out.

What stressed me out most was that I now have to go to work and put on a nice face. When I was home all day I could handle it a little better because I could eventually settle him then go back to sleep for an hour and become a partial person again. Now I can’t. I have to paint on face that says I’m doing well and couldn’t be better AND be productive. I’m a zombie now and do not dream when I sleep.

Thank goodness for friends that listen and just let me cry intermittently all day.

But really the ultimate “ ok, I’m just going the home now” moment was the total embarrassment I just encountered. It’s rare for me to declare TOTAL embarrassment about something but it does happen and I have to take note. Like the time I had an Xray done at the chiropractor – it was of my low back. He threw that film on the light box and I about had a stroke! There was a shadow at the bottom…hmmm, what’s that? It was my hooey!! I don’t even know what he said my problem was but I’m sure he noticed my blazing red face and maybe even wondered why I looked like I would run from the room blowing my chair into the wall! I never blush but that was blush worthy. Dang, and I have to see him pretty often too.

Back to today as if I needed another reason to cry. I have to lug a breast pump to work to feed this child - that’s goofy feelin’ enough but Vandy isn’t a pump friendly work place. I have to go to a shower closet 4 floors down to hook up! And I learned today that there is a lot breasts vying for time in this closet. The moment I heard the door rattle the horrified thought of “Dear God, did I lock this door???” It was like slow motion and no I did not. WHY?!?! I DON’T KNOW I’M NEW TO ALL THIS! So there I was, like a deer in the headlights but teats hooked up to a milking machine. And how can you cover yourself with hands full of plastic? You can’t. You have to sit there and apologize loudly and profusely so the intruder can hear you through the door. I don’t really remember her face but I bet she would recognize ME out in the hallways. Great.
OMG, anyone got a shot of tequila anywhere?

Get me outta here!!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Notable Quips

I just have to write down some of the phrases that have caught my attention over time - either funny, ironic, enlighening or profound they all have a place in my cranium. Some have a history, some are history and other just pass unnoticed until later and I finally get it.

"Damn, I forgot to shave my arms" - Drea Desdemona
A cross dresser friend of mine - Tony- said this when I picked him up for a show. I've never forgotten how hard I laughed.

"It doesn't take a sex fest to make a baby" - Tracy
A work friend of mine said this when I was trying to figure out how unprotected sex got me all knocked up

"Your kid will be a pain in the ass just like you" - Becky
Ahhh, you gotta love the honesty of a best friend. She's probably right.

" Thank God it's you not me!" - Becky
When I took the preg test and I was curled up in her bed in a panic - words of comfort were not available from her hahaha

I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is - Albert Camus
Transcendentalism at it's finest

DeeBee DeeBee DeeBee DeeBee - Harish
I never know what he's saying...

"No minivan and soccer haircut for her. Her child also won’t get away with anything. Angela is too cluey to be fooled by a child, even her own." – Sarah
I guess we'll see won't we??

"It just is what it is" - Nydia
About as simple was you can get without being too apathetic

"Let him be in a happy dream world, your dad said I ruined his life so it could always be so much worse.” - My Mom
When I told her I was pregnant and she thought I was joking. I rolled my eyes that gary was falling all over himself with excitement so she gave me some reality.

"The world needs parents that care! " owner of Scarlet Begonia
Simple reassurance. Period.

Tylenol, kisses and blue kool aid fix everything!" - Marcia
Simple kid comforts and very wise. Thank you!

“Dot can’t have anymore cuz there’s something wrong with my semen” - Glen in Raising Arizona
heeheehee We crack up at that line everytime. He said semen.

“Baby, needs a sammich!” - Denise
Said with the voice of a black jazz singer when all I ate was egg salad sandwiches and had to have them at that moment - no waiting!

Don't wrestle the pig - both of you will end up dirty but the pig likes it - Winston Churchill
How true. Love him and his genious.