Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Whole lotta Shakin' goin' on!

Serenity NOW! That was the battle cry for our 10 anniversary. And for the first time, G Dub pulled off a surprise.

I got a card on my wedding anniversary with a confirmation letter in it. I had a choice whether to open it or not and since I am the gal that wears a new pair of shoes out of the store after purchase I was stunned that I didn't rip it right open. Way back in the Dark Ages when pictures were developed I was also the gal that tore into a newly developed pack of pictures before I made it out the door. I'm just that impatient and cannot wait through morsels of information to get to the finish.
I still didn't open it. Whew, that was tough.

I wanted the element of anticipation. And I wanted to give G Dub the warm and fuzzies that come with pulling off a surprise. It worked and Friday evening we pulled up into Shakertown Village in Kentucky. He kept telling me that we were going to violate my parole by going across state lines ( eye roll). I haven't even come close to breaking the law in 4 years - aside from speeding, of course.

I think he found the quietest location on Earth.

Some comparison stats: The Steele's v. The Average Shakertown Visitor
1. We were the youngest couple lodging there by 25 years. That ain't a joke.
2. The party drug was Cialis. We were not tempted and avoided the pushers.
3. We could walk quickly.
4. We could hear all presentations.
5. We didn't look lost all the time. There were only 10 buildings, come on!?
6. A large tour bus did not drive us there.
7. Instead of being tempted by the Cialis gang, I was more tempted to pick all the produce out of their awesome garden in the middle of the night and make baby food out of it.

All joking aside it was phenomenal. A little back story. G couldn't find a place to go that wasn't hustle and bustle. Big cities are pretty cool but for a day and a half you have to fly there, run to get bags, get transportation, lodge, find a pace to park, transport to entertainment, try to park again, be entertained, get back to lodging, park again, get on the airplane and go home. WoooWee. We do that crap everyday and with little humans attached to us so, no, no crazy big city needed.
Our friend, Rod, had taken G there a few years ago and it made an impression.

Now to talk about the Shakers. I see their point. Maybe not the point that the founder, Ann Lee, was seen as the Second Coming ( although she never claimed it herself) but the redemptive quality of shaking off your sins. That you were not truly cleansed unless you had danced until you had nothing left to give God. Strange as it may have looked I bet it felt good. Like the endorphins after a workout - that feels pretty freeing and now claim that the Spirit moved you and you have a full on religion!
They really did seem like sweet people and man, they could make some cool stuff. I like that they viewed their work as worship. I'm not going to go in tomorrow singing "Peace in the Valley" but it put a nice perspective that I really should do my work to the best of my ability and to appreciate it as a blessing.

All we heard were birds, bugs and some live music Saturday night. Very refreshing, very renewing.
Then BAM! Monday happened and Max has pink eye, Hank is defiant as ever and it's the end of the fiscal year for our lab funds.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Forgiveness Patience and Scratching My Eyes Out

What is the indication that it's been too long since I've blogged? I've had to reset my password. My oh my how crazy does it have to be for me to not write. As always, I do most of my writing in my head so technically I've been forming thoughts just not ones for the blogosphere.

I need to continue with my letters to my children but, honestly, there are no words to put in perspective the joy and madness that makes our family unit. Hank is 3 and Max is 8 months. Momma and Dadda feel 80 and have the grey hair to back it up.

Since I last wrote Hank has been potty trained (YEAH!! YEAH YEAH!), has learned the Pledge of Allegiance, knows sign language, started preschool and hates me for it, and can say NO with amazing skill and defiance. Max is 20 pounds of lovin. He's crawling to get away from Hank, got 2 teeth, deftly opening kitchen drawers, sustaining bruises from exploring and making sure the everything is thoroughly tasted.

Momma and Dadda are consistently trying to find more hours in the day, nagging each other about how few hours there are to work with in a day, and kissing as much as possible to not miss the joy of life. It's like you go back to courting sometimes where you derive as much sensuality from a long drawn out kiss as you did before you got all jiggy wid it.

Joy. Now there is something to write about. It comes and goes but I'm control freak enough to want it all the time!
I going to come right out and say that I feel self absorbed right now only because I think in a totally different way than before kids. I don't relate to others in the lighthearted way I used to and now catch myself staying in the realm of doing stuff not in the enjoying stuff. Must work on that because time is passing by and I better see it in all it's glory.

Work. Now that's a topic that gives me more peace then I ever thought I'd get from employment. I go to work to RELAX! I work and deal with semi rational humans. No one is screaming. No one is kicking or if they do it's on the sly because I don't see it. These adults ask me for things too but I can get a certain amount of enjoyment from accomplishing something more than household monotony. And I have boundaries at work to help my poor brain let loose for a few hours. I've noticed that people or things do not get me upset like before kids. I just can't care too much that the copier is out of paper. It's only paper and I deal with keeping youngun's alive...seriously, lets get some perspective here puleez.

Hank is heading full into manhood, so he thinks, and dealing with guiding him to be a civil man is proving to be beyond what G and I thought we were up for. Being nice doesn't work and being corporal doesn't work. Momma is trying hard not to damage his psyche this early but life has to happen. All we can do it shrug our shoulders, be there lovingly when we can and teach as we go. My friend Lee Ann said it best " You don't need patience, you need ENDURANCE!" Oh yes, sista you got that right.
Actually, G and I are struggling. Not with our relationship but seeing the good in our lives. We have everything we could ever want, beautiful healthy kids, jobs, cars but aside from all that we have individual expectations and needs that are not getting met. And that happening over a long period of time is like a time bomb. Someone will explode and a house don't run well with guts all in it.

We've tried calendars, schedules, email alerts, free for all schedules where no one knows what the hell is going on, flying family in to help with kiddos, dates, and still there is not system that seems to work for us. Lots of patience and lots of forgiveness is about all that does work and that's good. That means we are till connected on a level separate from the surface. I get joy from that.

We are so blessed and this time is fleeting. So off I go to enjoy this day and the great people that are in it!

Monday, February 20, 2012

Multiple Personalities

How can I say this nicely.... TODDLERS ARE INFURIATING!

I kinda feel bad even writing that but I have to just admit and get it out of my system. I shouldn't feel guilty because I feel this way. God knows, I am not the Alpha or Omega on this topic so I'll just join the club.

And please do not get me wrong, I'm am deeply devoted to all the penises in my house. I love these boys but they are such...such...BOYS! UGH! I am greatly outnumbered but will not be outpowered.

This weekend it was cold. Cold enough to keep us inside and although we just added on a substantial amount of square footage to our house, toddler feels the need to be up our hind ends all day. This is annoying. Like a wedgie is annoying. Seriously, he's so mad at me for multiplying again that he pushes me away when I have time to cultivate our relationship and engage with him only to latch on to me and scream for me when I literally have my hands full of infant. Usually it's infant's poop or bath time or something where I need a little more than scant attention and I have to push him away. It's like push pull grab around here!

Hank has a quick switch face like one of those blocks with a happy face on side and a mad face on the other only his is Happy Sugar Face on one side and Linda Blair Exorcist Face. Sugar Face/Exorcist/Sugar Face/Exorcist/Sugar Face/ Exorcist/Sugar Face/Exorcist/Exorcist/Exorcist/Sugar Face.
I never know which will appear but I try to kiss kiss the Sugar face and exorcise the green demon head. Poor guy is just really mad at me or the world or whomever is right next to him. And this is considered normal. Normal to whom??

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO......When will the answer be yes?

And I have kicked myself too through all this personality confusion. I'll miss read signals and get ticked when he's trying to "help". "Help" to a toddler isn't really help at all but it means a lot to him so shame on me for not recognizing it right off. You can see it one their face when it dawns on them that you might have boundaries and they feel genuinely bad for crossing it. Thank god, kids are forgiving little souls. Otherwise, I'm screwed.

G Dub's support has been so on target but if I hear "He's only 2" one more time I'm gonna start justifying all my immature mouth spouts or tantrums with " Well, I'm only 38. Come on"

All we can do it love them through it. So when Happy Sugar Face appears I try to drop what I'm doing and give him my full attention even if it's just for a few minutes. Hank is a robust character that fully lives up to his Taurus birth sign. At night, I feel like I've been run over by a bull so there ya go.

Have I even mentioned Max?? Um, no. That's because he is a dream boat. He's soft and squishy and cuddley. Max just goes with the flow happily smiling and laughing at Hank's antics. Have I taken pics of Max? No. Not near as many as I took of Hank at this age! But, oh my, Max warms me with that little spark I need to get it all together and keep it together.

And that's life over here in Crazyville!