Friday, November 14, 2008

Expecting Something?

Most folk know now that I am pregnant – I just turned 15 wks today. Holy cow!
Unfortuantly, this was supposed to be a funny recount of stories and reactions but my head has hurt for three days now and my pain tolerance is wearing thin. I’m doing the sort of smile that looks more like a snarl – I promise, it’s a smile!

So anyway, yeah, I’m knocked up. I still can’t believe it. I found out under the best possible circumstances – at the best friend’s house before a crazy weekend! Am I really an eternal teenager? Guess so. She laughed and pointed at me “ Thank God it’s YOU and not me!!!” Very expected expression of love and genuine happiness that it really wasn’t her. But she was supposed to scream and cry with me, dammit!
I got through the weekend in a daze and told Gary in the most crowded terminal of the airport – honestly, could there be any more people within a 6 ft radius?! Half the airport got to see the shock and awe - metaphorically speaking I’m sure it looked like the mushroom cloud from the first ever atomic bomb. The shock was about the same.

It’s pretty much sunk in now and we’re excited as I’m starting to show a bit. Along with this expansion has come the expanded waistline – ugh. I was so annoyed to get my large size jeans out of the attic only to find that the legs and butt sagged to my knees and the waistline was just enough to keep me uncomfortable all day. Nothing like a baby dunlap!
So, I graduated to maternity clothes a little early just for the fluffy soft waistband.
A good friend was generous enough to pass one a few much needed pieces but I needed to get my own – off to the Motherhood store we go!

I’d heard only very recently a rumor about this fake belly you can put on that adds 3 months. I was kinda shy about going in there ( I mean really, it’s not like I was schlepping into a porn store or anything and who would think that I’d care about that anyway) but I didn’t want to ask for it and forgot about it as I got familiar with the morphed clothes. Gary was so sweet and carried my purse which, of course, is a very unmanly cherry pattern but looked really cute on him! This store immediately labeled him as taken so I didn’t have to worry about gals using the purse as a great come on opportunity. He followed me around trying to figure out what size I am and talked to the sales gal that was a rather large 6 months – man, she was short and big! While I was trying on clothes, he asked her if you had to be pregnant to work there!! OMG – I wish I could’ve seen her face when she replied that no, there was not a rotating work force available of only pregnant women HAHAH! I know she heard me laugh in there.

Off to the side of the dressing room I saw a black thing in the corner – I only glanced at it and went about my business though. Feeling dumb at this point I stuck my neck out and asked her about this fake belly thingy – she said it was in there. I looked at the black thing again and actually picked it up. “ Ohhhh, I thought it was a hat!” was all I could say. After Gary’s questions and me thinking there was a random hat just laying in the corner, I’m sure she wondered if we were at all mentally qualified to breed.

I was a little disappointed that the belly wasn’t flesh colored or gelatinous. It was just a black pillow that you affix around your waist – boring! But I busted out laughing when I put it on!! I didn’t care who heard. Gary stuck his head in to check what could be so funny about big clothes – then he saw it. We giggled so hard at the stretchy pantyhose material stretched over this fake BLACK belly. And I added sound effects too – “Come here baby and give me a hug! Ugh!” I tried to get him to put it on, even threatened to chase him around with his cheery little purse, but he was a no go. Unfortunately, I’ve got a reputation for taking pics and he knew not to prance in the belly. I would so use that against him – just give me a small reason.

And I’m sure again the slightly waddling sales gal chuckled to herself “yeh, you laugh now, lady”
We might as well have been 18 year old new parents but, honestly, what is so serious about this anyway? This is the relatively easy part and I have the rest of my life to worry myself silly and concern more than I know what to do with. Why not laugh now?
And I’ve totally bookmarked the website with the pacifier that looks like vampire teeth – this is excitement for me! Poor kid...