Monday, October 26, 2009

Grief and Eulogies

When I know all the words to Amazing Grace I know I've been to too many funerals. I've attended two this month for men that leave....I feel it's an understatement to say the word " void" . They leave more than a void - more like a chasm. More like an abyss.

I've begun see lessons in eulogies. I learn about time. I learn about quality. I learn not to be afraid to really live to the fullest and best of my ability. And to not accept the low standards that my sometimes lazy psyche lets me get away with. I learn to not let criticism hold me back from my goals or expression. Whether it's tattoos or my taste in artwork or being a loving wife or raising a decent young man, eulogies inspire me to be a complete person for the sake of those that I love and those that love me.

Tonight's funeral was particularly grievous. When a person dies young it affects me differently than an elderly person. It's that lose of potential thing that I've written about before. I miss an elderly person's presence. I miss a young person's potential milestones.

Eddy " Killer" McCreery was killed by a drunk driver in front of his daughter while helping tow her car. He loved and was loved very much. He had the name Killer but all he had to do was flash that smile and you just fell into his life. I felt like I've known him for years but I've only had the privilege of knowing him and his wife for a little more than a year. He was the proverbial " Never judge a book by it's cover" lesson. Whoever walked by him in judgement missed an opportunity of a lifetime.
This is how l learn that tattoos, piercings, and clothes don't mean anything. These are external expressions based on our perception of self. Find out a person's story and then realize how connected we all are.

The letter "i" is in this blog a lot and luckily it's not about me. I'm being taught by masters and by my savior about unconditional love, compassion, empathy, respect, kindness, faith, integrity and true friendship. Thank you Lord for these valuable teachings.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Letter to Hank #6 - Closing down the Target

To be specific about how much I have changed since your birth - I used to close down bars, now I close down Target. I was surprised by the announcement "Shoppers, you have 15 minutes to make your final purchases...." Like a last call for alcohol over the intercom. I got a little anxious because I still hadn't made it over to the Halloween section!!

I spent my tiny 2 hours of alone time amongst the aisles and got to read the fine print on EVERYTHING! Have you ever read the ingredients of Lysol disinfecting wipes? Fascinating! Normally, I can hear the wheels of the cart clanging and chattering desperately trying to keep up with my pace, like there's a damn fire somewhere. I hope I have a blow out and see a wheel go flying into the products - kinda like bowling - I might pee a little laughing.

I notice that I rush constantly now. I hardly taste food anymore - it's only sustenance to get me through the day without passing out. I ran through Kroger yesterday. I hurry home at the end of my work day because your smiling face will be there already and I don't want to miss a minute before you go to bed. You change every day, do something different and it's awesome.

Guess I can take the "Whilst my friends have babies and mortgages, I have hangovers and 100 shoes" group off my FB page! It doesn't apply anymore but I'm not getting rid of my shoe collection.

And now, thanks to your easy going Daddy, I listen to XM23 XM radio’s Love channel!? I horribly found out that babies do not like to fall asleep to Metallica. A good Peabo Bryson or Peter Cetera song is dual purpose; it will put you out in a heart beat and make Momma’s heart do a little flutter for Daddy ( even if I try not to admit it). But I do have to turn it when Mariah Carey comes on. Sorry kid, but Momma’s got limits. I can't listen to someone that spits glitter.

I was at a mixer event at church last night and I'm a little worried about what kind of example I'm going to be for you. When the question was asked " What option would you like to have on your car?" I said flame thrower without even pausing. And I'm really trying to work on my cursing, in about 6 months you're going to be parroting me/us. It'll take 6 months for me to reprogram my language center - no problem. On my own I didn't have the motivation to change so thank you for the kick in the pants.

I still make up songs. My lastest one is Billy Joel "In the middle of the night, I go nursing in my sleep..."

You are such a jolly little boy! You had a whole restaurant visiting with you one afternoon and I could not have been more grateful for a sweet boy. You reach for people to hold you now and it just makes me smile. Now, I'm singing Chicago....