Old Lang Syne

There are a few songs that I really do love but can’t listen to. Conjuring up memories isn’t something that is too hard for me to do but when a poignant song phrase sticks that memory through your heart… I can’t believe that I’d be the only one that will turn down the volume till the moment passes. But isn’t that what makes a great song?

It happened again this morning. Hubby likes softer music than I do and bought a soft little Christmas CD, luckily I’m not tortured with Bruce Springsteen or Mariah Carey, but it’s a short list of mostly songs I haven’t heard. I just don’t want to hear the same songs by 451 different singers. But anyway...

One of hubby’s favorites is Dan Fogelberg’s Same Old Lang Syne - we’ve listened to it for years and almost know it by the first note. I try not to drift off into the past when I hear it but this morning I couldn’t help it – I went back to memories I hadn’t thought of in years. And it got me to thinking about ex’s. Another reason why I went there was that I recently reconnected with folks on Facebook from middle school and early high school – just old friends. We’re catching each other up so old memories are coming back easily.

Going back to ex’s though. Listening to the song he is trying to connect with her in some way – he mentions reaching beyond emptiness. There isn’t anything left of their relationship. But why does he care? The same reason I care about my ex’s – because they are still good people despite the situation. My situation with them is just a small portion of their lives and they go on to be whoever they’re going to be. Why do I feel compelled to find out who they become later? It just fascinates me and I don’t have much fear about contacting them if I happen to run across them; but I’ve been shot down by ones that could care less who I became. And that’s ok too.

I wonder if the honesty that they were having in this brief encounter would have saved the relationship had they done it in the past? Are they questioning this?

At the end the song he goes back to the real memory, being back at school, but he goes back to pain. I am surprised but hurt makes holes in your heart, some just stay tiny and hidden. Another example of never knowing the impression we make on a person. I have those holes and I know who they are but I believe they became better people than who they were when I left them.

I can’t drink a toast to innocence; I have too many regrets from it. But getting closure on those little pains by reconciling with past loves does feel good. Can’t say I’ve ever had a metaphor quite like a change in the weather though.