Accidental Neglect

I have never been a poster child for focus but lately I can’t seem to keep anything in my head. And with this new pregnancy sleep schedule, which feels like 14 hours a night, I’m neglecting the things that are important to me and that I used to do in the wee hours around midnight.

Some of these situations can be important:

I can’t seem to think of music that I want to listen to. Even with my iTunes list gleaming on my screen, it’s just too much to think about. I hear new artists that normally I would have no problems remembering for when I get to my computer – now I get to the computer and they are gone. Gone. And I hope the tune resurfaces at some other random time where I can’t write it down.

My calendar, which was sacred, is pretty screwed up now that I don’t know what day it is. Ever. Don’t ask me what’s going on during this holiday time of “you haveta go’ parties and some parties that I really want to go to – I’ve been relegated to setting timers and computer alert dings for my 74 bathroom breaks a day, checking my 4 email addresses that I can’t remember the password for and resetting them all for my next days events. Next, Thursday? Puleez.
I didn’t realize that I used to be pretty amazing at this, okay?

Sleeping is taking up just too much of my day. I literally get home from work at 6:30-7pm, eat some dinner, and about 8:30 seriously think about a shower and bed. I’m losing 4 hours a day! That’s a part time job worth of hours a week!! I’m getting a bit depressed that I’m neglecting some things and people that are dear to my heart and I can’t seem to get the energy to do it. A good example is our church pantry. Gary and I would be working be at Walmart market at, no joke, 11pm checking out full carts of groceries. I just feel like I’m not doing my job and it bothers me. I can’t accept that I’m unreliable on the big stuff.

Prayer happens throughout the day. Sleep comes on so fast and mornings are regimented to the minute so those times are clearly not going to work. As I see it, I pray for it. Gives me a pick me up as I go along.

And work. Oh my. I hope I complete a task now because I do NOT awake in the middle of the night worrying that I didn’t tell somebody important info or send a certain email. I’ve been mentally demoted and frequently stare off into space wondering what was I just getting ready to do. My boss just shakes his head. Like I said, I wasn’t very focused anyway and looked kinda flighty when I worked on something – now, I just look retarded. HAHAHAHA

Forget anything profound. I know it when I read it but that's it. I’m reading a book by the Dalai Lama and it’s taking me an eternity! I’m forcing myself to stay on a college graduate level but I may save it for later and read mindless fiction in the meantime. I hate to miss how I would interpret the book now but, luckily, conscientiousness doesn’t leave and I’ll have a viewpoint later too.

And there are so many more that…..I can’t think of right now! Surprise!

Exercise. fellowship, bra shopping ( like very week!), family, food, church activities, Christmas stuff, baby furniture and fun all have to fit in life somewhere - I have to use big grown up words like priority, time management and love to fix the disconnect. I’ll just keep smiling and be erratic. Pregnancy does let you get away with a lot!