Discipline.
Not only is it necessary to our kids it's inevitable. But what I'm finding out is that it's more heartbreaking for me than for Hank.
Our war of choice has been biting. It started a year ago and has not let up. I'm not talking nibbles here, I'm talking full on retaliation chomps that hurt and are on purpose because he is being asked to change his course or give up something from his hands. He is a head strong boy on a mission.
Momma is also finding out that she is the main target of these bold chomps. And she has hit the top rung of patience allowed for such acts. Actually, I've been grasping for another rung for a few weeks thinking that surely if I keep reaching another will appear so I can get through this stage without mortally wounding someone. I have to dig deeeeep for patience to keep from lashing out at the one person that I love with all my heart. These wars are, I guess, what makes us a better parent but right now I feel pretty crappy.
I've literally tried everything to no avail. The advice I seem to always hear is to bite back. And most moms have done it. They say it with such calm, self righteous assurance that this was the best way to handle a problem. Like just do it and get it over with. I never wanted to take that route because my logic is that it shows Hank that adults deal with situations the same way a toddler does and it really condones the behavior. And too, it doesn't take much to hurt a child and I cannot forgive myself if anger is what pushes me to what I consider the end of my rope.
Until today.....
My shoulder became a teether for the last time. It was the second time today that I became a target so with the bite marks to prove it I bit. I can tell you here is no satisfaction. There is no feeling of doing something for his own good. There is no calm assurance that I did the right thing. I'm left feeling like surely I could have found a better way. So with us both sobbing I vowed to always try to find that better way even if it means...even if it means....hell, I don't know what that means.
No that I've poured this out i'm crying and laughing at myself for being such a sappy parent. Maybe it will make an impression on him that Momma don't play around. Or now he will start to realize that other people have limits to what they can handle. he may have gotten this because as I sobbed he got real quiet and watched my face. He knew I hurt and he knew it wasn't good. Kids this age are self centered and they are supposed to be but the harsh reality of learning otherwise is also inevitable.
Thankfully, I pray every night for wisdom on how to take care of this young man. I'll get it one day....
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