Marriage

An interesting women's topic has come up a few times in the last month. The topic of losing yourself in your marriage and how to find where she ran off to when she spoke those vows. Do women fix this, in a cheesy How Stella Got Her Groove Back kind of way, or just resign ourselves that this is just part of it?

A fix that I find most appealing defies the general attitude of how we live together as a couple. Living together 24/7 is the general rule but does it have to be that way? Can we have a retreat to escape to when we only want to be surrounded with objects or desires that we chose for ourselves or go get a coffee at 10pm without justification? No cheating, just a personal retreat. Outwardly, it can be seen as the ultimate “It’s not you, it’s me”. Inwardly, it actually it is.

What’s so wrong about this? I haven’t found anything yet other than hurting the spouses feelings over not wanting to be up their ass everyday and considering their needs, wants, opinions in all facets of decision making. I’ve lost, or never had, the skill to decide exactly what I want without turning to someone else. What if I want to choose the paint color of my bedroom not based on “Am I going to have to wake up to THAT every morning?” What if I don’t care what they think? Well, that’s just not being married then, is it?

Or is it? Needing this kind of space isn’t about not wanting to be with someone. It can, however, be about attaining the mental clarity to really be there for them in the long run. It can be about knowing yourself a little better and make better decisions. It can be about finding room in your head to let the love you share grow. Even if you have kids, I foresee this being a positive. I’m still me. So what if I can help show him respect for women’s space. That even taking a husband’s last name is a step in being encompassed in someone else’s convention of what should happen. It’s kind of hard to remember that we have a choice to do this or not when you are all caught up in the funness of a wedding and all that romantic crap. Initially, I was not going to change my name but guess what……well, you know what happens here.

And what’s so wrong about that? Nothing. If that’s the way you want it. The wonderful thing is that not everyone feels this way and that’s great. But the first time a gal gets talked out of the simplest of actions can be a rude awakening that what‘s in her head isn’t as important as what the other wants her to do. If she can live with that, so be it.

This post isn’t about devaluing marriage. Marriage is a valuable and necessary part of being human and loving someone to your fullest capacity. If you can survive it :D