Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Hank Letter #7: Chaos Theory

OK Doodle Bug, you are 7 months old and if I thought I had it rough in the early days of your life boy, I had no idea! I have two times of day that are my favorite - when you wake up and smile at me when I came to get you and when I get home from work. I so willingly let the house go so we can eat dinner, read books, cry sometimes, and just get ready to end the day.

Today was a particularly hard day for Mommy. You've been sick for so long and another cold has you up at night. It's 8:30pm and I've been up since 3am - it was so sad to hear you cry. We rocked for hours trying to find comfort. But, alas, it did come and the day began in all it's chaotic glory. So much went wrong today but knowing I'll see you at the end made it all just roll off my back. It was really outrageous though!

It's a job getting you out of the house now on days that I work. But it's all necessary to keep you nicely fed, warm, clean, clothed, and now snot free. You've been wiping boogers on my shoulder for days now so I've been relegated to white t-shirts while I'm here around the house. But I don't care; bring on the boogers if it means relief for you.

Time passes in a blur now. I may be stressed beyond what I ever thought I could handle but the brain is a funny organ. It can make the craziest of times seem not so bad in hindsight.
Don't get me wrong here, I'm not complaining just seriously wondering if I can hold it all together for you. I'll choose to see the bleary time passage as a blessing if it means I keep just a thread of sanity. A human hair sized thread.

I'm not going to sugar coat it for you - this is hard work. I've never been delusional about that. If a parent is serious about doing a good job it's totally consuming. Marriages can get left behind to slowly disintegrate while parents focus on their babies. Daddy and I are working hard to be a team for you now - to show you how to be a family as wonderfully dysfunctional as it may be. Hopefully, I don't kill him off before you get to know him. I'm kidding...

Even before you were born we were Team Steele at the track; we've just expanded that's all!
Love you babycakes!


No comments: