Hank Letter #3 - Scary Love

Here I go making up songs again "We've Got a Scary Kind of Love" by Phil Collins whom I really hate BTW. Oh yeah and I thought of another that went with my last blog " Somebody Done Somebody Thong Song" but I can't think of the artist this second. That's the caliber of subjects that haunt me at 5am.

SO Hank - you are officially 2 months old! Wow! My connection to you has changed so much now that I have accepted that you have left my body "Hank has left the womb". Sorry, but I'll probably have to explain that to you one day along with the songs from the 70's and 80's that I keep referring to. I don't feel empty per se but there is a place that you physically occupied that will never be the same. Now that you are adjusting to the outside world, my bond with you has a whole new meaning. While you are so dependent on me I want to be there - to stay connected to what you need and feel. To keep this connection takes amazing strength that sometimes I have to dig deep to find within - not out of lack of love but as I grow and explore the depth of my strengths and weaknesses I find new pools of power that have never been tapped.
I have to use these new resources to stay sane at times where I would have otherwise walked away as I so commonly do when tough times come along.

As you become independent, our connection will change again but for this moment my unwavering devotion stands firm. I am normally very afraid of this level of love. I know I am capable but I am unsure if I can express it so that you grow to be a secure, open minded man.
I am also realistic enough to know that there are no guarantees that either I will do a good job or that you will accept me. You are your own person already and I hope to never forget that and can guide you well.

I didn't have you without reason. I know I will learn from you probably more than you learn from me but believe me you have no better protector and cheerleader in life. When rough patches appear I'll be with you physically or cheering from the sidelines or even further back if you need room to grow ( that will be hard but it's necessary)
My connection to you is visceral, instinctual and life lasting. You are an extention of your daddy and me and we'll do our best. I don't mind spoiling you with love - is that even possible?

Here's the first pic of your smile that I could get - many more of these will be on the way few shure!