Spiritual Deal Breaker?

I have a topic that has bothered me for years and it's just gnawing at me for some reason again. Like the preverbial pink elephant this topic may turn it's back only to return again to conjure the same questions and uncomfortable feelings.

I was baptized and am a member of the Church of Christ faith. Some people that know me may find that shocking but yes, I take it pretty seriously and struggle with many worldly aspects ( meaning there are some vices I can't seem to leave behind :/ ) I have to be honest about how I chose this denomination though. Our good freinds Andy and Julie were at the time very active in their COC congregation and when Gary and I made the (huge!) decision to begin a spiritual journey we turned to them and their home congregation. Kinda like a default..."This one works well for them so lets try it out" I knew zero about COC. Nada.

In the years leading up to now I have learned a great deal positive and negative about Churches of Christ and won't begin a theological listing of them now BUT there is one that has come up for me since literally day one. I remember visting only once or twice and asked Julie about this - she so awesomely quoted Ephesians and I cried the rest of the service. I was shattered to learn a woman's role in COC. I wasn't going to return.

It took Gary a lot of convincing back then to get me through the doors again but the next week I did enter in. But I've wrestled with it since. What do I want here?

In 8 years I've seen women do amazing things in the church. But many times it is under the eye of a male deacon or elder. Am I so opposed to oversight? No. Am I just offended that women have to be overseen by men - you bet your butt.

I have a quality about me that I either get respect for or I get ragged on for - and it's equality in all things. In our marriage I get ragged on because I require equality all the way down to scrubbing the bathtub ( if you help dirty it, you help clean it). In gender roles, I require equality because no man has proved to be superior to a woman ( and vice versa). I've seen a man's pride and insecurity squelch a woman's dreams and take for granted her sacrifice. Pride is indeed one of the seven deadly sins and a man's pride can demand respect where there shouldn't be any. Apparently, the above situation has shaped my vision of men and I am forever fortified.

I know women are prideful and someone has to lead situations and relationships. This is why I struggle. As for leaders, that's merit based. If a man and a woman are in the running for something but the man acts like an ass and makes bad choices, should his gender default him as a worthy candidate? No. Granted the woman may make bad choices too so she's out of the running in my book. Give credit to who deserves the job, male or female.

So how do I resolve this? I've thought about changing churches. I've thought about it several times. But do I have the strength to do that? Do I have a valid arguement? What if I never feel like I am in the right place? I love our congregation dearly but do I let this be a deal breaker?