Spiritual Deal Breaker?

I have a topic that has bothered me for years and it's just gnawing at me for some reason again. Like the preverbial pink elephant this topic may turn it's back only to return again to conjure the same questions and uncomfortable feelings.

I was baptized and am a member of the Church of Christ faith. Some people that know me may find that shocking but yes, I take it pretty seriously and struggle with many worldly aspects ( meaning there are some vices I can't seem to leave behind :/ ) I have to be honest about how I chose this denomination though. Our good freinds Andy and Julie were at the time very active in their COC congregation and when Gary and I made the (huge!) decision to begin a spiritual journey we turned to them and their home congregation. Kinda like a default..."This one works well for them so lets try it out" I knew zero about COC. Nada.

In the years leading up to now I have learned a great deal positive and negative about Churches of Christ and won't begin a theological listing of them now BUT there is one that has come up for me since literally day one. I remember visting only once or twice and asked Julie about this - she so awesomely quoted Ephesians and I cried the rest of the service. I was shattered to learn a woman's role in COC. I wasn't going to return.

It took Gary a lot of convincing back then to get me through the doors again but the next week I did enter in. But I've wrestled with it since. What do I want here?

In 8 years I've seen women do amazing things in the church. But many times it is under the eye of a male deacon or elder. Am I so opposed to oversight? No. Am I just offended that women have to be overseen by men - you bet your butt.

I have a quality about me that I either get respect for or I get ragged on for - and it's equality in all things. In our marriage I get ragged on because I require equality all the way down to scrubbing the bathtub ( if you help dirty it, you help clean it). In gender roles, I require equality because no man has proved to be superior to a woman ( and vice versa). I've seen a man's pride and insecurity squelch a woman's dreams and take for granted her sacrifice. Pride is indeed one of the seven deadly sins and a man's pride can demand respect where there shouldn't be any. Apparently, the above situation has shaped my vision of men and I am forever fortified.

I know women are prideful and someone has to lead situations and relationships. This is why I struggle. As for leaders, that's merit based. If a man and a woman are in the running for something but the man acts like an ass and makes bad choices, should his gender default him as a worthy candidate? No. Granted the woman may make bad choices too so she's out of the running in my book. Give credit to who deserves the job, male or female.

So how do I resolve this? I've thought about changing churches. I've thought about it several times. But do I have the strength to do that? Do I have a valid arguement? What if I never feel like I am in the right place? I love our congregation dearly but do I let this be a deal breaker?

Gain of Potential

I've noted in the past my mourning for the loss of potential when someone dies. It's like I feel all that could have been accomplished in that life and it makes me sad. Even more sad because I'm not always living up to my potential and I know it. But, for the first time ever, I watch my baby sleep and I see a gain of potential. I can feel the milestones, see the accomplishments - I don't know what they are but there is so much in store for this little guy.

I got all sentimental today after I had put him down to nap ( and he actually went to sleep!) and remembered the height chart at my Grandma's house. It was on the trim of a bedroom door and I thought it was sooo cool when I got to put my height there in pencil along side my Aunt Karla's. Dad was 12 years older than his sister so he wasn't there. Of course, none of us got very high on the chart ( I think mine stopped at age 12 HA!) but it was there tracking our progress. I'll have to have one for Hank but I'll make it ON the door edge so I can take it with me if we ever move. I had the mental image of when he's grown and gone and me with the sliver of a wooden door in the corner of my bedroom from the days when I didn't know was in his future.

We are getting such a kick out of looking at the back of his head - he looks like Charlie Brown! Little whispy hair and ears sticking out. HAHAHH He's gonna one day think we are freaks for having pictures of the back of his head but it's so cute!

Ok, enough gushing about my kid. I just have to write all this kind of stuff before it fades back into life.

Grecian Assault!

OMG - I HATE the flat grecian gladiator sandals that all women are wearing nowadays. They are the uggliest ( that's a Fruedian slip because I hate Uggs too!) shoes I've ever seen on ANy feet. You can have the prettiest feet and these shoes make them hideious. Companies can bead them, put shiney metel on them, ummm....ribbons, bows whatever and they are still ugly as hell. And Vandy students are coming back soon so I'll be accosted by these beautified skis. They make the smallest foot look like a big ski BUT they dont' make fat feet look skinny - trust me, they don't. Fat feet look like fat feet and especially when they last two toes are basically walking on the ground - that little strap over the toes....it does nothing to help here.

Oh and jelly shoes - don't even get me started. Sweat in those and it's like walking on a snot rocket. Add a little foot dirt and you got yourself a dirty snotty mess. Hated them in 1986 and hate them now. And I don't care if Miley Cyrus endorses them in Walmart - you shouldn't be shopping there anyway.
SO there.

Letter to Hank #5 - Precious Things

Yep, I'm whipped. You've whipped me good. There are times that I look at you and wish I could think of a word better than precious, better than perfect. Wow, I think you'll never know what a feat you have accomplished but you have made your mommy speechless!

You were sleeping in your diaper tonight all wrapped in your blankie and your little feet were poking out the bottom of the soft cloth. When I think that even your toes are much too sweet to even look at - you KNOW I'm in love. I mean I love your Daddy and his feet are pretty big and cute but nothing like yours, Hankie! ;D As you slept you would gently spread your toes and I just watched and melted. You better not use this later to get yourself out of trouble though - I can see you now "Look Ma! Look at my feet!" spreading your toes out trying to distract me from my wrath. It might work but you'll never know it ;D

My Chinese friend at work, Qiao, said that " if baby have a big feet will be big boy. My son have little feet a and he short man, he short like me!" And, son, you have big precious feet! Maybe there will something to that because all the Chinese ladies thought I was having a boy becuase I didn't look too pregnant from the back ( oh, but they didn't see me the last 5 weeks!)

I even think the back of your head is darlin'. What's up with THAT?! Basically, you've turned me to mush.

That mushiness has left me kind of vulnerable though and I have to be careful about what I hear and what I read. I have been having nightmares about child abuse and neglect. With the downturn in our economy there has been a spike in the cases of shaken baby syndrome and other abuses - namely by fathers that have are or have been out of work and now are caretakers. You and I pray each night for children that need love and attention - that God will wrap his warm hands around them. When you smile it breaks my heart that anyone could hurt babies or talk mean to them or just pay them no mind. I've witnessed in our own church nursery children that need more attention than they are getting - and it's just things like bad diaper rash. I held the hand of a little boy that was in a lot of pain and it was so sad I gave them all the rash cream I had, I just pray they use it. I can't stay in nursaries too long and you haven't been in one alone yet - OH NO, please don't let me be a hovering mother!?

Hank, I know you will feel pain one day and that makes me sad already but it's irrational to think that you won't. I was even apprehensive to give you gas drops for cryin' out loud!? Once I get over the hump of the "firsts" I'll be better...Good Lord, I HOPE so!

Did you say horney?!?!

I got a grrlfriend, Tracy, that just cracks me up! We were having an enlightening conversation about differences in the libido of men and women. This all started because I was asking how long is it after you have your baby that you feel sexy again - I feel like an awkward 14 year old whose body just got boobs and she doesn't know what to do with them or what clothes to put them into. I'm thinking of some of my most unflattering pictures and they were ALL around that time frame!

The conversation flows around different topics and she chimes in about drug ads on TV. That if aliens were to see these ads they would think that humans are sex starved, fat, creatures that can't pee or breath due to nasal allergies. OMARIS! TO THE NOSE!
Of course, we found particular humor in the sex starved topic and started with the old stand by - Viagra. We theorized that there are some pretty pissed off 65 year old women that thought they wouldn't have to worry about a man panting around for noogie by the time they got to their age. Oh, but in the commercials the ladies look so happy to have their old man back...what a crock!
We just cackled like a bunch of hens HAHAH!

THEN she was referring to her and her husband and how nature should be allowed to progress without interference but instead her husband has taken measures to ensure his manhood - OMG, I can't even say that with out busting out laughing! So why is it that men think they have to stay virile their whole life?! We slow down so why would God makes guys suffer by staying perfectly lusty....oh wait, THAT's why many go out and somehow get a 25 year old. Ahhh, got it.
Well, anyway, her hubby has been taking an herbal supplement from GNC that is Horney Goat Weed!! HAHAHAH I haven't laughed that hard in I don't know how long!
I kept saying it over and over. The mental images just slay me. I can imagine taking this and spontaneously growing a nasty little gotee ( or goatee BAH!) overnight amongst other things.
Her response was that if he'd quit taking that crap they would both be on the same level ...wouldn't ya think?

Just good girl locker room talk...;D