Letters to Hank

I've been thinking over the past couple of weeks that I have to start writing to my new boy,Hank, while I can - I collectively got 7 hours of sleep last night so my fingers are actually agile enough to type and my brain fog has slightly lifted for coherency.

A brief rundown of how Hank was born is definitely in order (for guilt purposes later in life, of course) I labored at home using self hypnosis as pain management for 26 hours - 3:30am May 4th until 5:30am May 5th. Instinctively, I knew to get to the hospital asap at 5:30 and you should have seen the rush to get me out the door! Looking back it was hilarious; not quite like what you see in the movies but almost as bumbling! Luckily, all my stuff was already in the car but getting all the PEOPLE in it was the challenge. My mom doing her hair and stepdad just kind of running around, Gary trying to group everyone together and think of everything last minute and finally Me not giving a damn what anyone was doing. By that time, I was in "just get there!" mode so I was almost running down my basement stairs, towels in hand!

We made it in record time with my awesome doula in tow - Micky had been at my house since 7pm helping guide me, time contractions and keep Gary awake . Contractions were not pain free but I was still handeling them tolorably well as I got checked in and partnered with my L&D nurse that specialized in natural deliveries. I can't believe this but I was 9cm dilated when I arrived @ Cenntennial - almost ready to begin pushing! WOW, I could've had my kid at home or at least in the next hour or so but it was not to be. Long story short, I would spend the next 10 hours trying to naturally deliver a baby that would not engage down and was positioned incorrectly. He kept negating every push by popping back up out of my pelvis ( or as i like to say just causing a ruckus right from the start!) FINALLY, my body and, most importantly, my mind gave out. Hypnobirthing is not made to last that long and I was in distress - I felt like I was screaming but everyone tells me I was not. Time for an epidural STAT but I was dehydrated and an IV was irrationally hard to put in ( i'll leave out the details on that since it was messy so I hear) but I didn't even feel the epidural go in considering what had been going on.

OK so I didn't know what I was missing cuz that epidural kicked in and man, oh man, I tried even harder to get that child out. This went on for 2 hours before I finally felt pain in my back to tell me that he was positioned wrong. My L&D nurse was absolutely amazing trying everything she could before realizing that he just wasn't coming down and suggested a c-section before the baby was distressed. Blessed be that he was fine through all this - it was ME that wasn't!
I couldn't wait any longer so that's how he got here, 37 hours later, and now I thank the medical community for basically saving me and my baby. Little Hank was born with a dent above his forehead from being shoved up against my bones.

I haven't mentioned Gary in all this - he was so wonderful and helped out so much being there every step of the way. His support spoke volumes. Only later did I find out that his worry and tears were there too as the latter stages came our way.

And here I sit with a squirming little guy and a poopy diaper --- gotta go!!