Oooooo, Jealousy.

Thank you Natalie Merchant.
For putting such a sweet spin on a distasteful topic.
For almost making it sound okay to be jealous.

Anyway you look at it, let’s face it, I’m jealous. And I KNOW it’s wrong. I keep thinking of a tainted version of Barbara Mandrell “ If being jealous of you is wrong, I don’t wanna be right”

Unfortunately, reader, you’ll have to sit through a conversation between an immature mind and a sometimes wise but heavily fortified heart.

How do we get to the point that our rational thoughts match our undeniable emotions;
when what we know to be true and sane manifests in our facial expressions, body language and words. I do not have the luxury of a facial filter. If I think you are full of shit, my face shows it. Anger is not hidden by a gentile smile. But the positives are there too – if it’s compassion, I have the brow furrow. Giggly? I have a genuine smile. Is all this lack of self control? Is it self centered? Or is it just being honest?

From what I read, if I am to call myself a Christian, then it is a lack of self control. And, I guess I don’t have God in my response to obstacles. Great.
But….wait a minute…..
Oh crap. I think I’ve just crossed over into the realm of blog incongruence – I’m totally contradicting my previous blog about control!! (volume rising…) Argh! JEALOUSY IS ABOUT CONTROL AND A LACK THEREOF!!! Ding Ding Ding! The light bulb flashes are blinding, whew.
Screw derby, better go sign up for WWE cuz here I go wrestling again and had no idea I’d gone Pro!

Ok, so now that I have that figured out. Now what? The emotions are so right there, in my face (and unfortunately, this person is too). I thought that maybe if I said that with smaller print my immaturity wouldn’t be as noticeable – heehee.
But this is a serious issue! I’m suffocating in an environment where I feel, or perceive myself, powerless while someone else acts like they don’t want said power but don’t mind flaunting it in my general direction when they can. Hmph.

I figure now I will be preying ( oops, Freudian) PRAYING that this person goes as far as their talents take them and that they are very successful. OMG – that almost makes me sick to write out it’s so sappy :D
Nope, I’ll be praying for an attitude adjustment for myself. To overlook faulty situations or injustices and truly wish the best for someone else. So, there.