OMG - I HATE the flat grecian gladiator sandals that all women are wearing nowadays. They are the uggliest ( that's a Fruedian slip because I hate Uggs too!) shoes I've ever seen on ANy feet. You can have the prettiest feet and these shoes make them hideious. Companies can bead them, put shiney metel on them, ummm....ribbons, bows whatever and they are still ugly as hell. And Vandy students are coming back soon so I'll be accosted by these beautified skis. They make the smallest foot look like a big ski BUT they dont' make fat feet look skinny - trust me, they don't. Fat feet look like fat feet and especially when they last two toes are basically walking on the ground - that little strap over the toes....it does nothing to help here.
Oh and jelly shoes - don't even get me started. Sweat in those and it's like walking on a snot rocket. Add a little foot dirt and you got yourself a dirty snotty mess. Hated them in 1986 and hate them now. And I don't care if Miley Cyrus endorses them in Walmart - you shouldn't be shopping there anyway.
SO there.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Letter to Hank #5 - Precious Things
Yep, I'm whipped. You've whipped me good. There are times that I look at you and wish I could think of a word better than precious, better than perfect. Wow, I think you'll never know what a feat you have accomplished but you have made your mommy speechless!
You were sleeping in your diaper tonight all wrapped in your blankie and your little feet were poking out the bottom of the soft cloth. When I think that even your toes are much too sweet to even look at - you KNOW I'm in love. I mean I love your Daddy and his feet are pretty big and cute but nothing like yours, Hankie! ;D As you slept you would gently spread your toes and I just watched and melted. You better not use this later to get yourself out of trouble though - I can see you now "Look Ma! Look at my feet!" spreading your toes out trying to distract me from my wrath. It might work but you'll never know it ;D
My Chinese friend at work, Qiao, said that " if baby have a big feet will be big boy. My son have little feet a and he short man, he short like me!" And, son, you have big precious feet! Maybe there will something to that because all the Chinese ladies thought I was having a boy becuase I didn't look too pregnant from the back ( oh, but they didn't see me the last 5 weeks!)
I even think the back of your head is darlin'. What's up with THAT?! Basically, you've turned me to mush.
That mushiness has left me kind of vulnerable though and I have to be careful about what I hear and what I read. I have been having nightmares about child abuse and neglect. With the downturn in our economy there has been a spike in the cases of shaken baby syndrome and other abuses - namely by fathers that have are or have been out of work and now are caretakers. You and I pray each night for children that need love and attention - that God will wrap his warm hands around them. When you smile it breaks my heart that anyone could hurt babies or talk mean to them or just pay them no mind. I've witnessed in our own church nursery children that need more attention than they are getting - and it's just things like bad diaper rash. I held the hand of a little boy that was in a lot of pain and it was so sad I gave them all the rash cream I had, I just pray they use it. I can't stay in nursaries too long and you haven't been in one alone yet - OH NO, please don't let me be a hovering mother!?
Hank, I know you will feel pain one day and that makes me sad already but it's irrational to think that you won't. I was even apprehensive to give you gas drops for cryin' out loud!? Once I get over the hump of the "firsts" I'll be better...Good Lord, I HOPE so!
You were sleeping in your diaper tonight all wrapped in your blankie and your little feet were poking out the bottom of the soft cloth. When I think that even your toes are much too sweet to even look at - you KNOW I'm in love. I mean I love your Daddy and his feet are pretty big and cute but nothing like yours, Hankie! ;D As you slept you would gently spread your toes and I just watched and melted. You better not use this later to get yourself out of trouble though - I can see you now "Look Ma! Look at my feet!" spreading your toes out trying to distract me from my wrath. It might work but you'll never know it ;D
My Chinese friend at work, Qiao, said that " if baby have a big feet will be big boy. My son have little feet a and he short man, he short like me!" And, son, you have big precious feet! Maybe there will something to that because all the Chinese ladies thought I was having a boy becuase I didn't look too pregnant from the back ( oh, but they didn't see me the last 5 weeks!)
I even think the back of your head is darlin'. What's up with THAT?! Basically, you've turned me to mush.
That mushiness has left me kind of vulnerable though and I have to be careful about what I hear and what I read. I have been having nightmares about child abuse and neglect. With the downturn in our economy there has been a spike in the cases of shaken baby syndrome and other abuses - namely by fathers that have are or have been out of work and now are caretakers. You and I pray each night for children that need love and attention - that God will wrap his warm hands around them. When you smile it breaks my heart that anyone could hurt babies or talk mean to them or just pay them no mind. I've witnessed in our own church nursery children that need more attention than they are getting - and it's just things like bad diaper rash. I held the hand of a little boy that was in a lot of pain and it was so sad I gave them all the rash cream I had, I just pray they use it. I can't stay in nursaries too long and you haven't been in one alone yet - OH NO, please don't let me be a hovering mother!?
Hank, I know you will feel pain one day and that makes me sad already but it's irrational to think that you won't. I was even apprehensive to give you gas drops for cryin' out loud!? Once I get over the hump of the "firsts" I'll be better...Good Lord, I HOPE so!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Did you say horney?!?!
I got a grrlfriend, Tracy, that just cracks me up! We were having an enlightening conversation about differences in the libido of men and women. This all started because I was asking how long is it after you have your baby that you feel sexy again - I feel like an awkward 14 year old whose body just got boobs and she doesn't know what to do with them or what clothes to put them into. I'm thinking of some of my most unflattering pictures and they were ALL around that time frame!
The conversation flows around different topics and she chimes in about drug ads on TV. That if aliens were to see these ads they would think that humans are sex starved, fat, creatures that can't pee or breath due to nasal allergies. OMARIS! TO THE NOSE!
Of course, we found particular humor in the sex starved topic and started with the old stand by - Viagra. We theorized that there are some pretty pissed off 65 year old women that thought they wouldn't have to worry about a man panting around for noogie by the time they got to their age. Oh, but in the commercials the ladies look so happy to have their old man back...what a crock!
We just cackled like a bunch of hens HAHAH!
THEN she was referring to her and her husband and how nature should be allowed to progress without interference but instead her husband has taken measures to ensure his manhood - OMG, I can't even say that with out busting out laughing! So why is it that men think they have to stay virile their whole life?! We slow down so why would God makes guys suffer by staying perfectly lusty....oh wait, THAT's why many go out and somehow get a 25 year old. Ahhh, got it.
Well, anyway, her hubby has been taking an herbal supplement from GNC that is Horney Goat Weed!! HAHAHAH I haven't laughed that hard in I don't know how long!
I kept saying it over and over. The mental images just slay me. I can imagine taking this and spontaneously growing a nasty little gotee ( or goatee BAH!) overnight amongst other things.
Her response was that if he'd quit taking that crap they would both be on the same level ...wouldn't ya think?
Just good girl locker room talk...;D
The conversation flows around different topics and she chimes in about drug ads on TV. That if aliens were to see these ads they would think that humans are sex starved, fat, creatures that can't pee or breath due to nasal allergies. OMARIS! TO THE NOSE!
Of course, we found particular humor in the sex starved topic and started with the old stand by - Viagra. We theorized that there are some pretty pissed off 65 year old women that thought they wouldn't have to worry about a man panting around for noogie by the time they got to their age. Oh, but in the commercials the ladies look so happy to have their old man back...what a crock!
We just cackled like a bunch of hens HAHAH!
THEN she was referring to her and her husband and how nature should be allowed to progress without interference but instead her husband has taken measures to ensure his manhood - OMG, I can't even say that with out busting out laughing! So why is it that men think they have to stay virile their whole life?! We slow down so why would God makes guys suffer by staying perfectly lusty....oh wait, THAT's why many go out and somehow get a 25 year old. Ahhh, got it.
Well, anyway, her hubby has been taking an herbal supplement from GNC that is Horney Goat Weed!! HAHAHAH I haven't laughed that hard in I don't know how long!
I kept saying it over and over. The mental images just slay me. I can imagine taking this and spontaneously growing a nasty little gotee ( or goatee BAH!) overnight amongst other things.
Her response was that if he'd quit taking that crap they would both be on the same level ...wouldn't ya think?
Just good girl locker room talk...;D
Monday, July 27, 2009
Thom Revisited
From across Broadway I saw the wheelchair and immediately knew it was him. It was Thom whom I'd met last June on the walking bridge. A homeless man with a brain stem injury from the Korean war. I left my family in Jack's BBQ to double back and see him again. He was guzzeling beer from a cup and looked much rougher than the last time I saw him but his crystal blue eyes were still beautiful. He had lost more teeth and his speech unintelligible ( probably more from being drunk than anything) but I told him I knew him. I'm positive he doesn't remember but I reminded him that I took his picture and that it was my all time favorite. Just like last time, he hugged me and took my hand. Again, he was very dirty. I told him how beautiful he was to me and that I thought of him often. Can positive words help even if you hear them only once a year? Like I said, he was drunk and won't remember the last 3 hours for all I know but I had to say it and I'm glad I did. My heart just kind of gushes when I see him and I don't know why.
And he is someone's child. Thom was once a mother's shining star. He once had parents that I hope cared for him and tucked in a cozy bed at night. Those sweet memories may be haunting him, who knows?
Maybe he is another kind of angel in my midst. I don't get to keep this one but he is there as a reminder that the world is cruel and to have compassion, not pity, for all. His wings are gray, frayed and hidden under his tattered shirt. I have this compelling want to try to fix him. Bring him home, clean him up, feed him, get him help. But is he supposed to be fixed? What is his destiny? I have no idea. I just hate that he suffers.
I took Thom's picture again and his eyes will be the focus; I can see the image before I've even had it developed.
And he is someone's child. Thom was once a mother's shining star. He once had parents that I hope cared for him and tucked in a cozy bed at night. Those sweet memories may be haunting him, who knows?
Maybe he is another kind of angel in my midst. I don't get to keep this one but he is there as a reminder that the world is cruel and to have compassion, not pity, for all. His wings are gray, frayed and hidden under his tattered shirt. I have this compelling want to try to fix him. Bring him home, clean him up, feed him, get him help. But is he supposed to be fixed? What is his destiny? I have no idea. I just hate that he suffers.
I took Thom's picture again and his eyes will be the focus; I can see the image before I've even had it developed.
Hank Letter #4
I know angels exist. I have one in my house. He is sleeping in his green dragon jammies with his wings folded so I can't see them. God gave him to us. Can I ever top a gift so divine? We tucked him in all cozy and peaceful to get ready for his next day of teaching; teaching us how to strive for a higher standard of being. We cherish our angel since we will never receive another like it. He is one of a kind just for us. With his wings he will one day fly away but until then just let me look at him. I'll look as long as it takes to keep his image with me forever.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Plop Plop Whizz Whizz
Oh what a relief it is...
You know those stone cherubs in big French fountains that pee? That's my kid.
We are having to treat his little winky with hydrogen peroxide since he had surgery and, boy, anytime that coldness hits it...it's like a garden hose gone out of control! He's gotten all of us especially my mom and that just cracks me UP. I turn my back to get yet another outfit for Hank and Mom starts jumping back hollering and grasping for diapers or just anything to block the stream with a trajectory you can calculate a tangent on.
Bad thing is he's getting bigger and so is the fountain. It makes a puddle now and I've often thought of waterproof cribs or piddle pads in his room. Can you see me holding the pad trying to guess where the pee will land? Like looking for a fly ball in the sun. I know there is the PeePee TeePees and the genius that makes me wonder why that hasn't been around since the dawn of diapers - must invest in those. I think I'll get the ones with skulls and geetars since that will be fun to look at when I'm up at 3am and have already been puked on..but at that point why stop at puke? Last night I had been puked and peed on TWICE! He's sneaky like that and just when you think he's done...kapow!
I'm gonna get really out of my element when he starts to think it's funny; and if he's my kid he'll do it on purpose even if he IS too young to talk and just laugh and laugh.
His great grandma and great aunt are in town now and they are convinced he is already a genius. Hank enteratined them and opened his mouth like he has something to say - kind of like a gasp. It's funny to see them making up what they think he's trying to say. We're probably way off thinking that he's all lovey and sweet... why do you think Stuey exists? Cuz that's what they are really thinking in there! hahaha No way, he really is so sweet we call him "sugar lumps". I'll be sure to wave goodbye to "sugar lumps" when he's 14 and at school...heehee I can't WAIT!
It's been a long day for the boy that never sleeps. He's finally crashed in shear exhaustion and, frankly, so am I. He is so beautiful but I think he looks best when his eyes are closed.
;D
You know those stone cherubs in big French fountains that pee? That's my kid.
We are having to treat his little winky with hydrogen peroxide since he had surgery and, boy, anytime that coldness hits it...it's like a garden hose gone out of control! He's gotten all of us especially my mom and that just cracks me UP. I turn my back to get yet another outfit for Hank and Mom starts jumping back hollering and grasping for diapers or just anything to block the stream with a trajectory you can calculate a tangent on.
Bad thing is he's getting bigger and so is the fountain. It makes a puddle now and I've often thought of waterproof cribs or piddle pads in his room. Can you see me holding the pad trying to guess where the pee will land? Like looking for a fly ball in the sun. I know there is the PeePee TeePees and the genius that makes me wonder why that hasn't been around since the dawn of diapers - must invest in those. I think I'll get the ones with skulls and geetars since that will be fun to look at when I'm up at 3am and have already been puked on..but at that point why stop at puke? Last night I had been puked and peed on TWICE! He's sneaky like that and just when you think he's done...kapow!
I'm gonna get really out of my element when he starts to think it's funny; and if he's my kid he'll do it on purpose even if he IS too young to talk and just laugh and laugh.
His great grandma and great aunt are in town now and they are convinced he is already a genius. Hank enteratined them and opened his mouth like he has something to say - kind of like a gasp. It's funny to see them making up what they think he's trying to say. We're probably way off thinking that he's all lovey and sweet... why do you think Stuey exists? Cuz that's what they are really thinking in there! hahaha No way, he really is so sweet we call him "sugar lumps". I'll be sure to wave goodbye to "sugar lumps" when he's 14 and at school...heehee I can't WAIT!
It's been a long day for the boy that never sleeps. He's finally crashed in shear exhaustion and, frankly, so am I. He is so beautiful but I think he looks best when his eyes are closed.
;D
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
All in a daze wok
This day is literally in the Dear Diary ( even though I keep spelling dairy) category. The morning started out with a very stressed new mom and a screaming, over tired 2 month old. My brain waves are so fragmented that I lose concept of time so I had no idea I had been up for 2 hours beginning at 4am trying to soothe an upset child until I was about to crack. And by that I mean we were both in tears – so much so that they were running down my chest. I just let them fall. Then I laid him in his bed and left to go lay in mine – we both just cried it out.
What stressed me out most was that I now have to go to work and put on a nice face. When I was home all day I could handle it a little better because I could eventually settle him then go back to sleep for an hour and become a partial person again. Now I can’t. I have to paint on face that says I’m doing well and couldn’t be better AND be productive. I’m a zombie now and do not dream when I sleep.
Thank goodness for friends that listen and just let me cry intermittently all day.
But really the ultimate “ ok, I’m just going the home now” moment was the total embarrassment I just encountered. It’s rare for me to declare TOTAL embarrassment about something but it does happen and I have to take note. Like the time I had an Xray done at the chiropractor – it was of my low back. He threw that film on the light box and I about had a stroke! There was a shadow at the bottom…hmmm, what’s that? It was my hooey!! I don’t even know what he said my problem was but I’m sure he noticed my blazing red face and maybe even wondered why I looked like I would run from the room blowing my chair into the wall! I never blush but that was blush worthy. Dang, and I have to see him pretty often too.
Back to today as if I needed another reason to cry. I have to lug a breast pump to work to feed this child - that’s goofy feelin’ enough but Vandy isn’t a pump friendly work place. I have to go to a shower closet 4 floors down to hook up! And I learned today that there is a lot breasts vying for time in this closet. The moment I heard the door rattle the horrified thought of “Dear God, did I lock this door???” It was like slow motion and no I did not. WHY?!?! I DON’T KNOW I’M NEW TO ALL THIS! So there I was, like a deer in the headlights but teats hooked up to a milking machine. And how can you cover yourself with hands full of plastic? You can’t. You have to sit there and apologize loudly and profusely so the intruder can hear you through the door. I don’t really remember her face but I bet she would recognize ME out in the hallways. Great.
OMG, anyone got a shot of tequila anywhere?
Get me outta here!!
What stressed me out most was that I now have to go to work and put on a nice face. When I was home all day I could handle it a little better because I could eventually settle him then go back to sleep for an hour and become a partial person again. Now I can’t. I have to paint on face that says I’m doing well and couldn’t be better AND be productive. I’m a zombie now and do not dream when I sleep.
Thank goodness for friends that listen and just let me cry intermittently all day.
But really the ultimate “ ok, I’m just going the home now” moment was the total embarrassment I just encountered. It’s rare for me to declare TOTAL embarrassment about something but it does happen and I have to take note. Like the time I had an Xray done at the chiropractor – it was of my low back. He threw that film on the light box and I about had a stroke! There was a shadow at the bottom…hmmm, what’s that? It was my hooey!! I don’t even know what he said my problem was but I’m sure he noticed my blazing red face and maybe even wondered why I looked like I would run from the room blowing my chair into the wall! I never blush but that was blush worthy. Dang, and I have to see him pretty often too.
Back to today as if I needed another reason to cry. I have to lug a breast pump to work to feed this child - that’s goofy feelin’ enough but Vandy isn’t a pump friendly work place. I have to go to a shower closet 4 floors down to hook up! And I learned today that there is a lot breasts vying for time in this closet. The moment I heard the door rattle the horrified thought of “Dear God, did I lock this door???” It was like slow motion and no I did not. WHY?!?! I DON’T KNOW I’M NEW TO ALL THIS! So there I was, like a deer in the headlights but teats hooked up to a milking machine. And how can you cover yourself with hands full of plastic? You can’t. You have to sit there and apologize loudly and profusely so the intruder can hear you through the door. I don’t really remember her face but I bet she would recognize ME out in the hallways. Great.
OMG, anyone got a shot of tequila anywhere?
Get me outta here!!
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